In case you didn’t read the newzzz today [post, ht], America is at new highs in both our prison population and the percentage of our population in prison. We’ve smashed our records. We’re the worldwide champs. Most overall people in jail - 2, 300, 000! What’s up now, China? 1/99 Americans in jail! […]

Time Machine time: It’s back in they day and you are hanging out in Trenton at City Gardens wating for Quicksand to play. How do you kill that time in between bands? You could play pinball or try to scam on chicks. Nah! That’s stuff too jock-ish. You need something to read and Norm Arenas’ […]

Paramount Pictures has confirmed that a “G.I. Joe” film will begin production in February and is scheduled for a release in summer 2009! Don’t drop your trousers too fast though…G.I. Joe will become an acronym for “Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity” — an international, coed task force charged with defeating bad guys (please be Cobra). […]

Huzzah! The Mets fell apart and now the Phillies are headed to the playoffs. My vampire ass definitely fears the curse, but perhaps this could be our year!

The internet has been boiling over with poop excitement since the free diy record label poibella released its debut album, compoi0. The album is free to download and contains 29 banging and semi-banging tracks from a variety of “artists.” Poibella plans to release several solo albums this year (also free) and then compoi1 next summer. […]

Alright, so I am going to the NFL Kickoff ‘07 game between the Patriots and the Jets at Giants Stadium and I can’t even express to you how fucking stoked I am! It will be a match-up showcasing the two beasts of the AFC East. The Pats will unveil their new arsenal in a rematch […]

9 Murders in the past 4 days. Way to go Philadelphia, you really know how to have a good time. Keep up the good work. Also Saturday night I was right around the corner from the Broad and Reed murder and my friend walked past the medical guys examining the body, THIS SHIT IS REAL

because sav rocca just made the eagles final squad!!! someone call the pro shop, b/c they will be inundated with requests for #6, especially after FV contributor banana’s last report.

I kinda feel bad for the “Cracker” sporting the small ball sack who pulls up at a stoplight next to the obvious “Alpha Cracker” with his GIANT BALL SACK dangling from his trailer hitch! What an awkward life moment. Maybe he can counter by painting his ball sack to look like brass balls and add […]

The war pigs Bush administration has recently announced a genious plan to sell billions and billions and billions of dollars worth of weapons to our good friends in the Middle East: Israel (but definitely NOT Palestine), the royal family of Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Bahrain and Oman. Apparently, these countries […]

Mondays can be hard. Walk it out with this illness.

It seems that the crazy/beautiful, talented and vegan (ie. perfect for me) Fiona Apple likes her dudes old and dirty like Jonathan Ames. Keep going for a hot make-out picture and a link to the full story and some videos and bullshit…

I found this pretty cool web application on my friend’s website that does more than a normal captcha application. A captcha is one of those things that have the words you enter when you go to a website to make sure you are a human instead of a computer.

Last night, Minirich and I ventured down tha shore to see The Man in Atlantic City on the last night of his U.S. tour. I’ve never seen Morrissey before so I wasn’t fully prepared for the weirdness.

Happy hump day, TVWKers! There’s this british shit where you can watch tv. I’ve been watching this show Peep Show and it’s kinda funny. If the first episode amuses you, they only get better. Remember there’s a reason for goofing off at work. We’re smashing the system. One mind numbing episode at a time. Until […]

It’s hard to suck with weak lungs. That’s why I’m happy to announce the foundation of the Vampire Fitness Klub. We’re gonna start with some summer runs. Use this gmap-pedometer to plan your trip. It’ll tell you how far you’re going and what kinda hills you’re going over. Start runnin, suckahs. I’m getting ready for […]

Fuck the 4th of July. This is Independence Day. Live free, America!
Click on for a list of my favorite Americans and a stupid contest!

ok guys. so unlike you sad sorry sacks, i got to see morrissey when he came to LA and played the hollywood bowl. pictured is my terrible cell-phone photo of the bowl replete with james dean background. the whole thing was legendary. from the 3 times that he tore his shirt […]

A few years ago, jae kwon invited me to join a mixcdclub. What’s that you ask? Find 11 losers friends. Assign a month to each friend and take one for yourself. If you have months left over or you ran out of months too soon, then you fucked up. Otherwise, each person sends a mixcd […]

In a landmark decision, the Supreme fucking Court decided that a high school student has NO RIGHT to publically display a “Bong Hits for Jesus” banner. Apparently, the implicit advocation of smoking weed is sooooo terrible that it overrides any concerns about Freedom of Speech or Freedom of Religion.
Keep going for a related story containing […]