So last week I was discussing a particular Anthony Bourdain episode of No Reservations with a friend. It was the one where he visits the Pacific Northwest and discovers food-inspired tattoos, geoducks and…maple-bacon doughnuts. Yes, maple-bacon doughnuts, but this is not what I want to share with you my friends. I introduce to you nature’s very own elephant trunk clam, the Geoduck (pronounced: “gooey duck”)! The common name for geoduck has a native American origin, meaning “dig deep”, a reference to humans or sea otters digging them out of the mud. I am sure I am not the first person to tell you that this thing looks like: a penis, wang, cock, dick, bratwurst, bell on a pole, ding dong McDork, dragon, ferret, joystick, jimmy, johnny, little Elvis, meat popsicle, one-eyed snake, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schwarz, schlong, short arm, third leg, trouser snake, yogurt gun….I can go on and on. To get to the point, these things make Peter North (its work safe) look like G.G. Allin (its work safe)! These Clam burrowers, or, sorry—Burrowing clams, weigh in at about one to three pounds and it’s not unheard of for some specimens to weigh over 15 pounds and grow to 6 ft. in length.

The worst part about it is that THESE THINGS ARE DELICIOUS. The Geoduck has made recent television appearances on such shows as Top Chef, in which it was used as part of an exotic protein challenge, No Reservations, The Next Food Network Star and many more. It just goes to show how coveted these clams are. In Asia, Geoduck sell for up to US$30/lb and are extremely popular in Hong Kong, China and Japan, where it is considered a rare tasty treat. They appear on many high-end menus and are prepared in a variety of ways, from ceviche’s, carpaccio’s, chowders, to sushi and sashimi! Due to the Geoducks high market value, it has generated an 80-million dollar annual industry in the US with harvesting occurring in Washington State and British Columbia!

Oddly enough, Geoduck has made an impact on American Culture. Geoduck is the official mascot of The Evergreen State College, located in Olympia, Washington. In reference to the creature’s phallic appearance, the school’s Latin motto is Omnia Extares (or, “let it all hang out”)! The Geoduck Fight Song is the college’s official fight song. They were an inspiration for the slug-like alien parasites in the terrible/easily forgettable 2006 horror/comedy Slither! The lanky shell-creature is even honored on a stamp! Geoduck has also made an appearance on Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe and is featured in the 2003 documentry: 3 Feet Under: Digging Deep for the Geoduck. And lets not forget to mention that it is referred to as the unofficial Washington State Bird!

So keep in mind the next time you want to tackle a snack attack on the go and impress the ladies at the same time…shove a Geoduck in your pocket! It will work everytime…

3 Feet Under: Digging Deep for the Geoduck trailer

Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe

For more Geoduck dong-ery check out some of these sick links:

People who Harvest geoducks for a living
Official Washington State geoduck facts, ecology division
Another Song!
Recipes