Last week i saw Paprika in the theater, Netflix’d Nacho Libre and The Thing, watched my own dvd of Gunner Palace (got it for free) and watched Love Me- Love My Doll on BBC America. Read on to find out what i think of this grab bag of flix.

Paprika

I saw the preview for Paprika a while back and was intrigued to say the least. I like cartoons and to a small degree i like anime. The preview imagery looked very beautiful, psychotic and the music was intense. So i was stoked to notice it was playing at Ritz East here in Philly. I brought the lady along and we settled in. Right from the get go you here a lot of people in the crowd saying outloud, “what the fuck is going on”. This movie is very confusing and frantic. I don’t think this is a case of lost in translation, although maybe i’m just being hopeful. I ASSumed they just made this movie ridiculous because of the theme. The short version of the story is that some company invents a machine (the DC mini) that allows people to share their dreams with friends and rewatch them etc. But alas this technology gets in the wrong hands and all of a sudden reality and dreamland become all flip flopped and intertwined for the whole world. anyways let’s cut this shit short. the movie however interesting and beautiful quickly becomes boring because you just sit there wondering what the fuck is going on. You don’t really give a shit about any of the characters so you just watch because it’s pretty. -fin

1 fang up for anime boobs and amazingly animated robot parades in dreamland - 1 fang down for wtf is happening here.

Nacho Libre

I just got netflix again after a year long hiatus from the dvd delivery service. This is because, being addicted to gadgets , i bought myself the HD-DVD add on for the Xbox 360. So instead of buying discs for a possibly doomed format i figured i would just rent a bunch. Netflix has a decent selection of what is available on the format thus for. Of course it’s heavy on the newer shittier movies, Nacho Libre not being an exception. I went into this movie with low expectations because well, let’s face it. Jack Black is not funny. But i held out hope that there would be at least enough slapstick to keep the gorilla in me laughing. Alas i don’t think i even let so much as a chuckle out the entire time. Now you should know that this site is called Fun Vampires for a reason and that i truly am the ultimate party pooper but this shit was just not funny. I did crack a smile a couple times though and t he chicka playing the nun is kind of hot. So maybe that’s enough for you.

2 fangs down.

The Thing

John Carpenter’s space invader classic starring Kurt fucking Russel on HD-DVD. I knew this would rule because i’ve seen it a bunch but let’s review. Some alien crashes his ship in the South Pole like a bazillion years ago. Some dipshit swedes Norwegians doing research down there find the ship in the ice and decide to unfreeze the ET being. Bad move homies. This spore like creature invades the bodies of everyone in order to survive. The cool part is that when the being invades it is a perfect copy. This makes everyone paranoid because no one knows who is who. Eventually the being takes the shape of a dog and the Norsmen chase it with a helicopter, guns and grenades trying to rid it from this world. Because you know, researchers usually keep that stuff with them, just in case… Alas they chase it all the way to an American research station. While trying to shoot the dog the Americans are thinking “WTF are these dudes doing, shooting at this awesome dog?” and are running around all willy nilly trying not to get got. Eventually one of our boys takes a bullet in the leg so the Americans kill the Vikings in self defense and blow up the Helicopter. You can see where this is going. The dog gets into the base and eventually spawns and trys to body snatch the other dogs and people. Kurt Russel , who plays the badass sees this disgusting shit going down and calls for help. Out comes a brotha from this planet with a fucking flame thrower! Why do they have a flame thrower at an Antarctic research station? Anyway thank god they do because this leads to some awesome action. The old man from Cocoon eventually get’s body snatched and everyone starts getting all paranoid over who’s an alien and who isn’t. everyone is armed to the teeth, including multiple flame throwers. In the end you can guess what happens. If you love aliens, gore, and action then this is for you. Excellent transfer to HD-DVD i might add.

2 fangs up for a human stomach turning into an alien mouth and chopping off people’s heads and limbs.

Gunner Palace

too much rapping, not enough everything else. nuff said.

2 fangs down. totally lame documentary that tells me nothing i didn’t already know.

Love Me Love My Doll

This documentary has it all. Ok maybe not but it was damn fine work by the BBC. We here at FV are always trying to be open minded and learn about new cultures, subcultures and what have you. So of course when i saw this while flipping channels you know i had to watch. LMLMD is a documentary about men that own, use and love their real dolls. Real Dolls are basically a very expensive kind of realistic sex doll. But these guys aren’t ashamed of their dolls. In fact they proclaim their love right on TV for all the world to see. And that takes balls, or nuts, or they are nuts. Some of these guys just seem like pervy dudes which are easy to digest and handle. But some of them are truly and deeply in love with their dolls. One nearly sheds a tear when he ships his doll off to be repaired for 3 weeks. The repairman almost creeped me out the most. I try to be understanding and compassionate and this film tested my limits. For example the one pervy guy proudly shows off his imported Swedish REAL pubic hair in a sandwich baggie. In the end i realized some of these dudes are just fucked up. Some are closeted trannies and some are just really perverted. Either way we’re here for them and we appreciate their openness and letting the BBC talk to them. I wish this was a little more in depth but maybe there will be a sequel. We can only hope.

2 fangs up for forcing me to confront and conemplate issues i never hoped to confront