Here in Ye Olde South Philadelphia our houses are tiny. Most of us have zero back yard or deck. On my block there’s no grass to be seen and zero trees. The day i settled on this house my mom gave me a cement planter with nice flowers as a housewarming gift. the next morning it was gone. “Welcome to the neighborhood”. So almost a year has gone by with zero flowers on my side of the street. Yesterday was such a lovely warm day that i said, fuck these cretins i’m putting flowers out front. I took a trip to Lowes, my favorite non Home Depot place for such things. The garden center it was a pansy’s paradise. Figuratively and literally. There were rows and rows of them as they are the heartier annuals that can be planted early in the season.

I decided a nice and charred half whiskey barrel was the container for me. They are large, recycled, old looking and cheap at only $21.95. I wanted this sucker to be big and heavy so that it could not be stolen. The whiskey barrel is also very sturdy so smashing it would be nearly impossible for any neerdowells about. I wheeled out a big flat bed roll cart to get all my items. the whiskey barrel, giant bag of soil were the big boys on the list. I chose Miracle-Gro 64 quart potting mix with fertilizer to start my new garden. Now i used to work at a place called Bonnies Wonder Gardens when i was in High School so i kind of know what i’m doing. I made sure to pick items that not only looked good together but also liked full sun as my house faces south and gets a lot of rays. I also made sure to pick things that liked similar moisture. I think one plant may have slipped through the cracks on this one though. I stuck with medium moisture. SO i gathered up some pansies as those are everywhere and also my favorite bloomers marigolds. Marigolds are great because the more blooms you pick the more they’ll grow and they have a nice fragrance. I live near Pat’s steaks so anything to help that disgusting rotting flesh smell would be great.

Another consideration was that i wanted some variety in the height of my plants so i decided on a small evergreen for $5.95. If you can name it we’ll send you a prize. picked a few more hearty annuals and off i was to the register. the grand total was $75. Not too bad but more than i wanted to spend on this risky experiment. i loaded everything up in the VW Golf, which still amazes me how much i can cram in there and headed home. Sundown was fast approaching so i lugged the materials a half block from my parking spot and received a few comments from the peanut gallery. Apparently the “old guard” as one neighbor put it pretty much hates anything that grows or isn’t made of concrete and plastic. Fuck ‘em i said and kept on with my project until a nice old lady neighbor who i never met before was very interested. We talked for a while about Italy (surprise) and the ‘hood. I finished drilling holes in the bottom of the barrel for drainage to the score of my dogs cries inside the house. They knew i was out there and they weren’t, which does not make them happy. put some wood pieces in the bottom of the barrel to allow the drainage holes not to be blocked and added the soil. Chose my placement of plants and next thing you know i was finished. I think she turned out pretty good. I can only pray that the alley cats and pat’s steaks drunken, suburban patrons don’t discover their new toilet too soon. Maybe i should put a “keep pissing, i’m reloading” sign out front.