there i am, year 2000, sitting at brunch with my girlfriend who is meeting my sister for the very first time. they are bonding big time. because, as my sister declares, “i would totally have random sex with beck.” my girlfriend agrees wholeheartedly. i’m sitting there trying to figure out what is more disturbing: my sister talking about having sex in front of me, or my girlfriend plotting an affair in front of me, co-conspiring with my sister!
my own personal crises aside, the celebrity pass is an essential element in any healthy relationship. this is especially true for myself, since i live in LA, and can therefore, obviously, just meet any one of these hot bitches any time i want and they will obviously just be all over my nob in no time at all.
do i like young actresses?
amanda bynes is hot, she was awesome in SHE’S THE MAN, but do i use my pass on her? nah.
keisha castle hughes is 17, which makes a crush on her creepy, but then again, she’s pregnant. 
so now i’m just confused.
besides, i get the feeling that these girls are sort of gettable. it wouldn’t take that much to turn on the charm and get them to fall in love with me.
this brings me to natalie portman. a grade A hottie.
but i have a feeling that she would just lie there and not be much fun.
you need the right mix of hot and crazy for the kind of night that will just blow your mind.
which is why i’d have to use my vote on shannyn sossamon.
13 responses so far ↓
Hans // Mar 29, 2007 at 7:15 am
your bottom pic is missing mang.
Joe // Mar 29, 2007 at 7:42 am
my girlfriend’s celebrity pass is ALSO Beck. which is okay because i have a man-crush on him. so that’s her pass.
i still have no idea who mine is. maybe jenna fischer.
art vandelay // Mar 29, 2007 at 8:20 am
shannon sossamon is one of my many celebrity crushes. she has a kid named audio science. SHIT AIN’T MINE!! (unfortunately)
Hans // Mar 29, 2007 at 8:31 am
ass wings.
jk // Mar 29, 2007 at 10:14 am
audio science. yeah, she’s crazy.
art vandelay // Mar 29, 2007 at 11:15 am
i think the st. bernard filter at work is regulatin’ on sossamon. WACK.
s. frank // Mar 29, 2007 at 11:29 am
beck is a souless scientologist… my pass is morrissey.
Hans // Mar 29, 2007 at 11:55 am
i gave my gf the ultimate celebrity pass. i said she could do it with any celeb she wanted.
art vandelay // Mar 29, 2007 at 1:07 pm
i gave my penis the same opportunity.
art vandelay // Mar 29, 2007 at 1:08 pm
but it usually ends up in chicks with self-image issues.
tar // Mar 29, 2007 at 3:54 pm
is beck really a scientologist?
that dude is worse than i thought
is having sex with morrissey gay or just straight hi-five-able?
jk // Mar 29, 2007 at 3:58 pm
beck is 100% a scientologist–with a scientologist wife to boot!
art vandelay // Mar 30, 2007 at 12:26 am
tar, it depends if there’s reacharound action or not.
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