In honor of that King Tut thing that they’re doing at the Franklin Institute, I’m going to give you a brief history of King Tut’s life based on what I read in his wikipedia entry in between doing stuff at work.

Nebkheperure Tutankhamun was a pharoah of the 18th dynasty in Egypt. I don’t really know how long he ruled or anything because BC years are all fucked up (The older it is, the larger the number? What?). I already regret starting this so I’m just going to skip to his tomb and all the curses.

Tut’s tomb was found in the valley of kings by Howard Carter in 1922, about 20 years after another goofy British Egyptologist declared the Valley of the Kings (a tomb-filled dump in Egypt) to be “exhausted.” Carter (employed by Lord Carnarvon, I don’t know who that is) discovered the entrance of the tomb near the tomb of Ramses VI. He was pleased to find Tut’s sarcophagus and his very well-preserved body and MOST of his shit- the tomb had been robbed twice, but it was shortly after his death and they mostly stole perfume.

Ugh, I just got to the curse stuff in the article and it turns out that the curse has about as much credibility as the Paul is Dead hoax so I’m bummed because that was supposed to be the crux of MY article. I guess I’ll conclude with a list of facts about King Tut.

- Tut is short for Tutankhamun. This probably wasn’t his real nickname!!
- Tut was not a really important or prominent pharoah.
- Steve Martin is famous for his King Tut song but now he writes middle-aged wank fantasies like Shopgirl, like anyone believes Claire Danes would like him. Also that weasel Jason Schwartzman is in it.
- Steve Martin is basically destroying his legacy by starring in movies like Bringing Down the House with Queen Latifah
- Despite all that, you can usually find The Jerk for like $7.99 at Best Buy and I really suggest picking it up if you haven’t seen it because it’s one of the best movies ever.