If you’ve never been, Spike’s Junkyard Dogs is a small chain of hot dog joints in the greater Providence Area (which unfortunately also contains Boston). I’ve been vegan for a while so I was pretty stoked to discover that Spike’s offers vegetarian versions of most hot dogs, including the delicious Lonely Guy. But eating at Spike’s isn’t just about the dogs, it can also be a spiritual journey of self-discovery.

I’ve been in Providence for five years working on a PhD in Mathematics and Spike’s is only a few blocks from where I work (ie. stare at dreamy undergrads and think about math). The food is pretty good and pretty cheap in that wonderfully disgusting fast food way. I’ll usually pay $5.50 and get a meal deal of hot dog, fries and soda. Since I eat there regularly, my homies behind the register always know what I want. “Veggie Lonely Guy Meal? For here?” Yes and Yes!

The Lonely Guy is your standard veggie weiner on a bigass roll with spicy mustard and a bunch of onions - fried onions, chopped onions, scallions. It’s enough to make Krishna cry. I throw some ketchup on top and it’s delicious. You can taste the onion burp for hours afterwards. The salt from the fries gets under your fingernails so you can suck your fingers later and flashback on the bliss. Free refills on the pepsi (sugar and caffeine fuel the math motor!). It’s a solid meal/illness and as such I have no complaints beyond the obvious health concerns of eating processed feces on the regular.

But for me Spike’s is about more than just the food. It’s a haven for spiritual reflection. The walls are covered in mirrors so I can not hide from the truth. My vegetarian ass is alone in a hot dog place several times a week eating a Veggie Lonely Guy. I am what I eat. Life consumes life. It’s surreal. Is this happening? Does the universe communicate to us through hot dogs? Is the girl ordering a RI Grinder ($2.59) a local who loves dry humping? Or am I the only one? What could this Veggie Lonely Guy message mean? Get a girlfriend? Give up Math? What is really going on here? Is Spike’s a gateway to the other side? Is there a secret trap door under the trashcan? Should I ask the hot dog girl if she has seen the diamond star? Have I been smoking too much Paper Mario? How lost am I? Will God save me? This is my meditation while I eat my hotdog, alone, staring at myself in the mirror.

Overall, I give this meal Five (gold) Stars.