For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been working at the warehouse of the world famous Relapse Records, one of the leading record labels for exxxtreme metal. With such bands as Dying Fetus, Exhumed, and Skinless, there is no argument over the exxxtreme brutality of the label’s roster. Much like it’s music, the work environment is exxxtreme. Now I don’t mean extreme in the mountain dew sense (WHOA DUDE THAT WAS WAS LIKE XTREEME!!), no I’m talking about the serious fucking brutal exxxtreme death sludge dark creepy scary murderous type of extreme. More after the jump

Kind of like this:

And nothing at all like these poseurs:

On my first day alone, I was subjected not one, not two, not three, but seven death metal albums in a row. Brutal. When it came to my turn to pick something to listen to, I opted for a more mellow album; Cro-Mag’s Age of Quarrell. The fellas all told me the album was just a Kill ‘Em All clone, whatever. I guess these metal dudes don’t know fuckin’ John-Joseph. The next record I played was a mix including The Police, The Futureheads, and other non-metal bands. I was certain the guys at work were gonna kick my ass, but it ends up they don’t only like metal….BOOOORING. I was hoping they would shit on anything that doesn’t have crushing guitars and gutteral vocals. Oh well!

But working at Relapse isn’t all fun and games, there is actually an exxxtreme amount of work to be done. People still love metal, and they buy lots of metal records, shirts, dvds, books among other things. And fat dudes LOVE long sleeve shirts. No seriously, big fat dudes love long sleeves. Is it because they want to cover up more of their skin? Who knows, but those things sell like hot cakes. In fact, I’m sort of a fat dude, so I am the proud new owner of a sick Dying Fetus long sleeve shirt. I’m stoked.

So in conclusion, my job at Relapse has been an eye opening experience. And not eye opening like this per se:

But more like this:

It ends up that dudes who are into metal not only like all types of music, but they can also funny, thoughtful, handsome, and even courteous! Thanks Relapse for this incredible opportunity!