this study is compiled from mostly garfield books and mean stuff people have said to me because i am fat.

1) TWINKIES
when people want to insult a fat person they most often suggest that they go eat some twinkies, or perhaps suggest that prior to the moment of the insult, they were eating twinkies. i always eschewed twinkies because i thought they were lemon flavored which isn’t really “my thing”, and now i’m kicking myself. if i had been eating them all this time i could be “twinkie fat”. i’m fat now but more like joey buttafucco where i have a lot of muscle underneath layers of fat. i could’ve grown up completely soft and spongey and maybe would be in a wheelchair now. wasted youth.

2) CAKE
there’s a lot of truth to this one, so i won’t get too in depth. i think the origins of suggesting that fat people eat a lot of cake is that a lot of the time fat people will cut a slice of cake but then surprise you by taking the rest of the cake and leaving the slice (Garfield Takes the Cake, Davis, 1989).

3) BON-BONS
you might be surprised by this one but people make a lot of jokes about fat people eating bon-bons. i’m not entirely sure what a bon-bon is, i think it might be similar to a truffle or a petit four or sample from a whitman’s sampler. i associate this with housewives (see also: Married…With Children) but i think the connection comes from the idea that fat people are lazy like housewives. i wish i was eating one right now as long as it didn’t have “roman nougat” in it.